everyday i ruin my life some more
i have hit absolute rock bottom. i left summer camp on day 2, i have pushed away all my friends, my boyfriend broke up with me, all i do is argue with my mother and i am living in a house i do not feel like i am welcome in anymore. this is all nobody's fault but mine and i do not know what to do.
all i do is cry all day and miss what i once had
there is no way out for me anymore and i can only dream of dying and finally being happy. but we all know i am too scared to die so i will just have to sit here and let everything sink in
i am still wearing the ring that has our initials engraved on it
there is nothing left for me to do with my life. i will become depressed once again because i have nothing to be going for and i do not know what to do. this is the worst ive been in since leaving rehab and am absolutely destroyed
nothing matters to me right now. or nothing matters to me anymore. i do not think it can get any worse than this
and what's funny is my instagram for you page is giving me reels about how i am a horrible person and ruin relationships and reels about breakup and whatever and i cannot even be on my phone anymore because it does not help me whatsoever.
i just need the people i love back. and a cigarette. but mostly just the comfort of people i love and the knowledge that they love me as much as i love them. i miss all my friends. i miss everyone. i miss everyone. i miss everyone.
i am sorry for being a horrible person but i really cannot help it anymore. i am doomed to be alone forever and i do not know what to do
i am hoping it eventually will get better for me and i will be okay and everyone will like me again and i will not be stressful to be around anymore like i always am
i am sorry everyone but it is okay
i will learn to deal with it in due time. the sadness will pass. or at least, i hope it will. i once told an ex friend that the world wasn't going to fix itself for him so he may as well fix himself. now i will follow my own philosophy and work on becoming a better person.
maybe my friends will like me as much as they used to again, i will be happy with my family, i will not be dependent on substances and i will be okay and i will have my life back and will be capable of giving people in my life the love they deserve. because i cannot keep loving people and hurting them and then hurting myself. i need to stop hurting people and i need to stop hurting in general.
it is okay
i will be okay
i miss everyone and i am sorry and i am sad
the sadness will pass but it is unfortunate i find comfort in my own sadness. maybe i will be sad forever. and maybe it will pass and i will be well and okay. everything hurts and everything stings. i am filled with regret for my actions in the past few days and especially in the last couple of hours. everything really hurts and that only makes me sadder
i think i need to shut up. i hope none of you read this entry because i will not be sending my blog to anyone after writing this entry you will only read it if you are stalking my blog i suppose.
bye
i love you i'm sorry and i miss you all